Loveworm (anthology)
i.
moments we linger
waiting for the check
you’re my secret
I swear to god you are
I swear to god I want you
to hold your hand on my thigh
the whole night
and never
do anything else
shift to park
cut the engine
empty lot, dark car
in the back of the student lot,
moonlight softens your features
I hug my knees,
my running shoes dirty
the car seat dark
but you’re hair’s still blonde
I can’t think
about anything but the quiet
song playing from the stereo
that somehow, blonde hair illuminated
solely by the dashboard
appears even lighter
I have to stop
myself from reaching over and tugging
at the strands myself—
I want my hands to replace yours
I want to pull at your roots
ii.
will you hate me if
i taste like cigarettes?
i swear that i could quit for you
in the dimly-lit guest room
the party pulses behind the walls
shapes of voices warm the room
your broad chest
fills in, stretches out
a thin cotton
t-shirt. out the window,
lights in the hills
remind me
of the way you look at me
like i’m something you love
& something you could leave behind
i want you to touch me longer
than in corners
i want you to smile at me
with your stupid braces
take walks, write poems
dirt road, dark bedroom
i could watch you like this forever
will you still love me
if smoke stains your shirt?
late afternoons at the park near school
you’d run
sprint ahead, lift
your arms up
slip off
a gray shirt, discard
it on grass
bare skin, glistening
you’d stop for a breath
the sun would hit you just right
you’d get all sweaty
stand too close
too close and let me stare
i suppose in some ways we’re the same
but i ran to feel the burn
and you ran, well,
to breathe
iii.
i thought of you every day
you were gone
it was overcast
the whole week
i drank cold
coffee. walked the canyon,
imagined you by the beach
for you, i decided
i’ll drown my beliefs
i’ll toss my phone to the ocean
i’ll never drunk dial another boy again
i’ll never love anyone else—i swear
iv.
he always cries
when he’s drunk
he’s too drunk
to turn on lights
warm yellow hallway
seeps in through the crack
beneath the door
he doesn’t bother turning on the AC
it’s hot, she lets it be that
curled up on the rug next to her
he fucking cries
body convulsing
she stares at him
then the ceiling fan
spinning slowly
